Hanging Out With My Ex’s Ex

For the longest time I had hated her. I hated that she had him first, I hated that she was pretty, I hated that she’d always have a place in his heart. After spending time with her however, I realized she wasn’t bad at all. I didn’t hate her, I actually hated that we shared something in common — we both shared a history with him. I didn’t like that she knew everything little thing about him like how he was so picky about his hair or how he was a secret, hopeless romantic. It’s like everything special I thought was just between he and I, she had once experienced it too and it was no longer sacred.


It’s a natural instinct to be possessive and feel threatened by anyone in your significant other’s life or past that could take them away from you but it’s also wrong to judge someone by their title or stance. Now that I’m no longer with him, my judgement of her is less clouded and I can appreciate her as a person and not as threat.

I realized I don’t hate her all. In fact, I really enjoyed getting to know her over dinner. Of course I didn’t let her know that I had dated him too and we didn’t have a heartbreak club or anything, but we didn’t need to bond or commiserate over him. We had both moved on; she was actually in a serious 2 year relationship talking about marriage already and I was happy with my place in life.

What I took away from the whole experience was that I probably should not judge someone before getting to know them (duh), and that there is hope after all. If she can go through the same heartbreak I did and end up finding the love of her life, so can I. Lastly, I discovered that even though he may have said the same things to me as he did her, it doesn’t mean that any of it wasn’t special. At the end of the day, we’re both two women that had once fell under the spell of the same guy but we don’t need to let that define us.


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